How to Help When You’re Hurting: A Guide to Second Hand Trauma
How to Help When You’re Hurting: A Guide to Second Hand Trauma
As counselors our calling is to help other people through their pain and struggles. But what happens when the helper has second hand trauma? There is a level of exhaustion, fatigue, and burn out that we have never seen among educators. Post-pandemic (are we even post-pandemic yet?) all students and educators have some degree of trauma. Whether it is from loss, fear, or isolation, we have all been impacted. Keep reading for a quick guide to second hand trauma.
So many people have asked for tips on how to help their overwhelmed coworkers. The thing we’ve noticed is, many of these requests have come from counselors who are dealing with their own personal hurts or second-hand trauma. If we don’t deal with our own trauma, we are more prone to burn out quickly.
This is not another self-care post. Instead, consider it a coaching call to action to help you deal with your own struggles and the second hand trauma you have from helping others. In this podcast episode we share some of the current situations we are dealing with while working full-time as school counselors. We know first-hand how difficult it can be to focus on what others are telling us when we have our own personal lives to sort through. We hope this second hand trauma guide is helpful!
Talk to Someone About Your Second Hand Trauma
Let us repeat this again: this isn’t a self-care post. (We’ve already done that). We do want you to realize something though. When our students have experienced personal trauma, whether it’s the death of a pet, feelings of loneliness, or something else, we encourage them to talk to us or another trusted adult. Shouldn’t we do the same thing? Consider talking with a therapist. Or find another counselor who is a friend. As we mention in this podcast episode, it can be therapeutic for Kim and me to feel like we’re helping each other while we have our own issues we’re dealing with.
What Are You Willing to Fail At?
We know this sounds harsh. No one likes to think of themselves as failing at anything! But consider this: you can only balance so much on your plate. If you take on too much, you WILL fail at something whether you like it or not. So choose ahead of time- what are your non-negotiables?
For me, I am not willing to fail at motherhood. Of course we all have those days where we understand why mother cats bite their kittens, don’t get me wrong! It’s also important to me that I give my all every day at my job. If my job is causing me stress, then I have to realize it’s ok to take a day or 2 off. Exercise is good for us, but sometimes that’s the only thing I can let go of in order to make room for other non-negotiables on my plate. Recently a health scare was put on my plate without my approval. This meant I had to let a few things go while I coped and healed.
Find a Source of Joy
We happened to overhear a conversation at one of our speaking events during the break. The attendee was telling some friends of hers, “Happiness is situational, but joy comes from within.” How true is that? Happiness depends on external sources to determine your mood. Joy is an internal mindset that can laugh through adversity, or find the humor in tough situations, or just simply be at peace during those storms. For us and many people our faith is the source of our joy. We know we’re not exempt from bad days, but we have a peace that passes our natural understanding, and grace that expands like a rubber-band to cover our situation. What is your source of joy? Of course pictures of cats make us laugh uncontrollably, so they are a close second!
We know how exhausting this line of work can be. We try so hard to compartmentalize our own struggles, but sometimes they erupt like a volcano without our approval. We hope this second hand trauma guide helps during an increasingly challenging year. You’re not alone!
